The things I wish I had done differently in my 20s
Real talk: turning 30 has inspired more reflection than many other recent milestones. There’s nothing like finding your first (and then many) gray hairs to remind you that not only are you not invincible, but you’re actually aging. All of that said: I know I’m still wonderfully, naively young in the grand scheme of things.
I’m pretty happy with how I spent my 20s–more on that coming soon!–but there are definitely a few things that I wish I had done differently. And let me also say this: I’m very aware that all of the little twists and turns of life led me exactly to where I am. These are less things I regret than things that I would maybe counsel 20-year-old me to consider.
Studied abroad
I loved my college experience: looking back, it was an idyllic four years full of cheap beer and great friends and no real worries. I do wish I had spent a little less of it hungover (and a little more of it outside), but you can’t have it all! I’m forever grateful to 17-year-old me for opting to attend to a state school in the middle of the nowhere, because that also allowed me to graduate without any debt. Studying abroad in France was the one thing that I fully intended to do, and then life (a boyfriend! sorority! so many missed parties!) got in the way.
In some ways, of course, I’ve made up for not studying abroad by living and working in France and Australia and traveling plenty. But there’s something about the carefree nature of studying abroad that I wish I had experienced: making new friends, being able to skip classes to country hop for a weekend, immersing oneself in a foreign culture (and in particular, maybe a place where I would never live or work otherwise). I was actually accepted to study abroad in Aix-en-Provence, and passed on the opportunity (at the time, I thought I was only deferring it for a year). But looking back, I love to think about all of the different places where I would have loved to experience for a year: Stockholm, Tokyo, Cape Town, Buenos Aires.
Worried about money less
My frugality is one of the traits that I both appreciate and hate about myself: being conscious of and tight with money has made it possible for me to travel more places and do more things. I sleep better at night knowing I have money in savings and my 401K; though, it sometimes feel like it is impossible for me to be overly frivolous.
Part of how I have money to spend, of course, is that I work. When I lived in Nice, I would often work during the day as a cooking class assistant and at night as a bartender and thus did not spend that much time at the beach. When I lived in Australia, I spent Monday through Friday in an office and paid rent and squirreled away vacation days. When I traveled through Southeast Asia, I tried my hand at freelancing and often opted to spend the day in front of a laptop instead of exploring beaches and temples and big, bustling cities.
Looking back, I wish I had maybe spent a little bit more of that money that I worked so hard to save. There are places in France and Australia and Southeast Asia that I haven’t experienced, and I wonder if the stars will ever align for me to return: will I get to ski in the French Alps, or see the sunrise over Uluru, or visit the temples and markets of Cambodia and Laos and Singapore? I’m not sure. I was so close then, and I’m so far now. Being responsible about money kept me making a lot of responsible choices–but I look back now, and wish I had just spent the money and taken the time off and fully taken advantage of being young and unencumbered.
Spent less energy on unsustainable relationships
If there is one thing I could tell my younger self, it would be: you will find someone incredible. Things will work out. It will be wonderful. And so: when things feel too hard or too complicated or just not fun anymore, don’t force it. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Don’t jump through hoops for something that isn’t worth it, or rush into something because everyone is doing it. And don’t compare yourself to the relationships surrounding you: a lot of those early marriages will end in divorce by the time you hit 30.
Instead: enjoy your independence, in whatever way makes the most sense for you. Travel alone! Travel with your girlfriends! Travel with your mom! Live abroad! Pour yourself in your dream job! Read all of the books! Basically, pour that mental and emotional relationship energy into all of the things that can make you the best version of yourself.
What advice would you give your early twenties self?
