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“I’m not friendly, but I am a good friend.” My girlfriends used to joke that my straightforwardness (OK, extreme bluntness and lack of a poker face) wasn’t exactly welcoming to newcomers. So when a regular at the Nice restaurant where I worked commented on my “genuine friendliness,” I almost couldn’t contain my laughter.

But that’s the thing about traveling. It forces you to open up. If you can’t make friends on the road—and maintain the ones you have at home—it’s going to be quite a lonely ride. I certainly haven’t mastered the art of making new friends, but as my around-the-world address book keeps growing, I’ve learned a few lessons:

• Go beyond social media: Send a letter. Write a long email that discusses more than what you did today. Choose the perfect postcard. Sure, a Facebook post or a Twitter mention is nice. But think about your birthday: do you remember the people who write on your wall or the ones who send you a hilarious card? The extra thought always shines through.
• Ask questions. In high school, my best friends and I employed a 21 Questions note-passing technique where one person would write out 21 questions, the other two would respond, and then the asker would respond. Questions could be anything: favorite color, weekend plans, non-negotiables in a relationship. We still do 21 questions (although now it’s via Facebook, instead of on lined paper behind our teachers’ backs), despite the three of us living in Boston, California and Australia: it forces us to ask questions that go beyond the just “how’s it going/really well.”
• Schedule Skype dates: Skype is a marvelous invention, one that allows you to interact as seamlessly as if you were sitting across the table from one another rather than across the world (of course, that all depends on how good your Internet connection is). I always look forward to having real conversations, ones that drift from small talk to daily life issues to philosophical discussions. I actually write them in my planner, just as if it was a real coffee date!
• One is silver, the other’s gold. Don’t let your friendships at home hinder you from making friends abroad. I’m very guilty of getting stuck in my computer in the hostel common room. I’m surrounded by strangers (or, as I like to think of it, potential friends) yet I get caught up in Facebook and Gchat with friends half a world away.
• Take advantage of mutual friends. When people learned I was moving to Australia, everyone seemed to know someone down under: a former college roommate, an old coworker, a husband’s cousin’s girlfriend. They “introduced” us via Facebook and email chains, and I dutifully set up drinks dates. Some of them ended up being really fun and valuable one-offs, others turned into inside jokes and party invites. Don’t be afraid to “ask” for friends: you’ll be surprised at how small the world really is (and how well your friends know what type of person you like).
• Take out your iPod: How many conversations have you started with someone who is clearly in their own world? Probably not very many. While keeping your earbuds in inevitably keeps you entertained on long train rides, it doesn’t exactly open you up to new connections. I always meet more people when I distract myself by reading a book: common fiction interests can lead to great conversations.
• Supplement solo time. I love the flexibility and empowerment of traveling independently, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend my entire trip in a bubble. That’s why I book rooms in multi-bed dorms and schedule a spot on bike tours—you never know who you’ll meet.
• Just do it. Smile at a stranger. Start a conversation. Comment on their book/ beer choice/ cooking technique. What’s the worst that can happen?

This post is dedicated to (and inspired by) the friends who have been there through laughter and tears, heartbreak and homecomings, yet another departure. Through Facebook messages, Skype dates, snail mail and real-life nights out around the world, I don’t think I could take these risks without your support (and outrage that I’m leaving again).