The grace in saying no
I’m a yes person. When opportunities present themselves, I like to take advantage of them. Whether it’s trying a new food, going paragliding or signing up for an extra freelance job, I tend to say yes when people ask if I want to join them. I thrive on being busy, staying active, building connections. That’s how I’ve ended up working full-time in marketing, running a blog, doing the fun things to talk about on said blog, studying to be a yoga teacher, having a relationship and maintaining friendships across the city and the country and the world. I also refuse to walk out the front door in the morning if the dishes haven’t been done, my bed hasn’t been made and my clothes aren’t neatly folded and put away. One of my friends like to joke that she gets tired just thinking about being me.
One of the things I always say yes to is travel. I booked a ticket to the San Blas Islands a month after I arrived in New York City simply because I had a few days to spare before starting a new job. I celebrated my boyfriend’s birthday in the Dominican Republic because I had a surplus of JetBlue miles to share. I’ve spent every birthday in my 20s in a different country because, hey, that’s the legacy I want my 20s to have. I’ve traveled to nine countries since moving to New York City, and even more cities sprinkled across the country.
Recently, however, I had to turn down the trip of a lifetime. Swaying palm trees, ocean breezes, stunning sunsets: an all-expenses-paid opportunity to travel and tell stories in a little-known destination in the West Indies. It was one of the harder emails I’ve had to write, and one that I’m still not positive was the right decision: because when is going to the beach ever wrong?
But one of the things that I’ve also realized is that quality will always come before quantity, that having fewer, more meaningful experiences is more important than cluttering my Instagram with toes-in-hammock photos. I committed to an intense yoga teacher training program: I want to do the best I can. The trip fell smack-dab in the middle of two big product launches at ONA: I want those to go smoothly and successfully. I want to enjoy spring in New York City–the flowers blooming, the late evening sun setting, the giddy joy of being able to sit outside on a park bench–instead of running away the first chance I get.
There’s something to be said for knowing how to say no. It’s not something I’ve mastered: the vast majority of my stress and anxiety is directly related to being overwhelmed by taking on too many projects. However, I’m starting to realize that the attitude that I apply to my clothes is the same I should apply to my experiences: I’d rather have a few meaningful, exquisite projects and vacations (and a sprinkling of impulse weekends away) than overscheduled press trips and low-paying freelance gigs.
As 2014 continues to unfold, I want to focus. I want to do one thing at a time. I want to cut back on the multitasking, work more on being fully present when I’m chatting with a friend or reading a book or eating breakfast. I want to stop feeling overwhelmed by my to-do list, by commitments to people beyond myself and the ones I love. I want to learn how to say no, with conviction but also with grace.
