Notes on taking a break
In the fall of last year, I was overwhelmed. I was traveling for work almost every week, a series of short flights that required early wake-up calls and long days of meetings. My skin was breaking out, my body felt bloated from too much eating out and not enough working out. David and I were still figuring out how to make a house our home, what to prioritize on a long list of improvements–some necessary, some desired, mostly expensive. I had “write a blog post” on my to-do list almost every day, but it never got done: there was endless laundry to do, emails to send. When I did have spare time, I wanted to sink into my bed, escape into a book, gulp a glass of wine. I felt guilty about not writing more: I had traveled to new countries, explored new spots in San Diego. I had posts I wanted to write for this blog, pitches I wanted to send for other publications. I could pull together a haphazard end-of-week post, but nothing more. Instagram felt more and more like a chore, and like a chore I was failing at.
I unloaded all of these complaints onto a friend, and she suggested: why not a sabbatical? It immediately resonated. I’ve been doing this for almost nine (NINE!) years! I’ve written 1,226 posts (!!!). I’ve written countless words and resized many photos and created social media post after social media post. But I’m not ready to officially quit blogging–not yet, at least–and I never wanted to just…stop posting. I don’t like that sort of ambiguity.
The reality is that when people ask what I do: I say I work in ad sales. When they ask what I love: to travel to new places, my dog, to read a good book, unexpectedly colorful things, beach days and sunrises. Blogging is almost a shadow identity: it’s something I do, but almost nothing I proactively bring up (David, my mom, my best friend: “and she writes a great travel blog!). Part of that is because it’s always been secondary: as a source of income, as a priority. I’ve watched friends who started around the same time as me (or after) lean into blogging and Instagramming as a profession, and really succeed. It induces jealousy, while simultaneously making me very glad that I am not reliant on an algorithm or my face needing to be photogenic for a steady paycheck.
For the past several years, we’ve done a sober January. Last year, we added in a no sugar component to our month of no alcohol. It’s always a nice reset: we end up feeling happier, healthier, more energetic. I crave healthier things, I wake up more refreshed.
This year, I’ve decided to take a break from blogging for the first three months of the year. I already deleted Twitter and Facebook from my phone (which has improved my mood, productivity and outlook considerably), and I’ve decided to just…not force myself to write more, post more, pitch more. I don’t want any more blogging-related items on my official to-do list.
That’s not to say I’ll never share or never write. I’ll still be on Instagram, although I’m not going to force myself to post as regularly as I sometimes have in the past. I’m also going to share a favorite old post each week, things that you might have missed if you haven’t been here for the whole nine years–so don’t be afraid to check back. And I’m actually hoping that this “break” gives me the space I crave to feel like a writer again. I want to write more, and write better, and write in more places.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous, if I felt like this wasn’t a strange shifting of identities. I worry, I think: but who am I without these things? What will I do with all of this clear-headed free time, without those end-of-day glasses of chilled white wine and evenings huddled over my laptop? What will happen if I go somewhere and don’t write about it, if I don’t have a post to share with a friend who’s going there soon?
I’m not sure. But I’m excited to find out.
And as always: thank you, thank you, thank you. This little slice of the internet has always been so good to me. Although I’m very ready for a break, the main reason it took me so long to decide to do it is because I always love sharing posts that resonate with people. So please don’t forget about me!!!
