It’s possible, but is it pleasant?
When I worked full-time while still regularly travel blogging, I always felt caught in the middle of two worlds. I didn’t feel like I traveled enough to hold par with the travel bloggers and always felt a bit of envy at the airline miles and new destinations they were constantly adding up. But compared to my co-workers and friends, I traveled constantly—often more in a month than many would do in a year or more.
Now that I’ve become a parent who still loves to travel (see: notes on traveling with a baby), I feel trapped in the same envy-inducing-on-both-sides middle ground. Compared to family travel bloggers, we’ve barely made a dent in Jojo’s passport—and I’m jealous when I see these families gallivanting around Europe or setting up for a month-long stay in Mexico. But compared to most of my friends and neighbors with kids—or honestly, almost anyone who doesn’t identify as a travel blogger—we seem like globetrotters.
One of the tropes that I often see from family travel bloggers is that “anything is possible”: of course, you can travel with kids! You just have to bring them with you! Parenting is hard no matter what, might as well do it with a great backdrop! No big deal, onto a plane you go!
But after making several trips with a baby and then a toddler, I would counter this with: …but is it pleasant? I want our trips to be immersive and wondrous and full of new experiences, yes, but more than anything: I want them to be as pleasant as possible. I am not trying to spend a lot of time and money and frankly, my precious precious energy and goodwill, to be exhausted and miserable in a different place far from home with a screaming boundary-pushing toddler. (I will caveat this with the fact that we live in San Diego: I’m able to get *a lot* of sunshine and beach time and vacation-y experiences, while still sleeping in my own bed at night.) To that end, I’ve put a few parameters in place for our toddler travel plans.
Make sure there is a door that closes
The first is ensuring there is a room with a door that we can close for “Jojo’s room”—in an ideal world, this is her very own bedroom. But in a pinch (and with the rising cost of accommodations), this can be a large bathroom or spacious walk-in closet (both actually great because generally there are no windows, and thus no need to worry about blackout curtains or a Slumperpod for afternoon naps). Although it’s possible to stay in one hotel room or a studio with a pack-and-play and a Slumberpod, the reality is that we are not a co-sleeping family. Jojo sleeps in her own room at home, and that is what we are all used to. Being in the same room means we all sleep worse—and it also makes it a lot harder to do *anything* other than sit quietly during her afternoon naps or after she goes to sleep at 7pm. Both of those are actually easier to do when I travel alone with her since I can just read a book, but not always ideal!
Stay in the same time zone
The second is staying as close to our time zone as possible. I’ve heard that whatever the hour of time difference is, it will take that many days for small kids to adjust (for example: a two-hour time difference will take about two days to adjust whereas an eight-hour time difference will take about eight days to adjust). Although I would deeply love to explore France or Japan with Jojo, the jet lag adjustment gives me great pause. Dealing with an overtired toddler does not sound pleasant to me. Jojo is an excellent sleeper, and honestly, it throws me the most off my game (and any sense of good cheer) when she doesn’t sleep as expected. Although I love staying in our own time zone (and frankly, there are still so many wonderful places to explore in California and the Pacific Northwest), I’ve found that a two-hour time difference is usually pretty doable as long as we are staying at least three nights. (Three hours is doable if we are staying at least a week.)
Don’t stay as long as you’d like
The third is staying a day less than I would prefer. Every single time we go on a trip, I get there and think…I wish we were going home a day earlier. Travel with kids can be very fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also exhausting. And no matter how great of a sleeper and eater and general travel companion Jojo is, the reality is that everything is easier at home—not only where she’s fully used to the environment, but also where everything is set up to work on a daily basis. I used to try and make the most out of every spare moment on a trip—leave early, stay late!—but now, I want to make sure that not only are we getting home at a reasonable hour but I also want to make sure we have a day to recover at home before getting back to work.
Give up on what you can’t control
I’ve realized it’s impossible to guarantee that air travel will go smoothly. But if costs are reasonable, I do try to buy Jojo her own seat—a busy toddler is so much easier to entertain if she has a space of her own. Much more pleasant for us all! This is far easier with Southwest, where fares are generally more affordable AND we have a good stock of points saved up. However, my general rule is that if I have enough points available: we are putting those points toward getting her a seat of her own. This isn’t always cost-effective though, and when we are dealing with a lap toddler: my mantra is “the plane will either land, or she’ll fall asleep.” And one of those things always happens, if not both! And counterintuitively, now that we are in toddler stage, I also am willing to pay more so that we are flying during *non* nap or sleep times. She’s past the stage of falling asleep anywhere (the joys of traveling with an infant: truly, I miss those days!), and I’ve found that hoping for a plane nap—aka falling asleep in an unfamiliar, exciting environment—generally just leads to an overtired baby who is extremely unpleasant in the lead-up to and the wake-up from a nap.
That said: there are some highlights of air travel with a toddler, and that is that they make friends with just about everyone! Jojo learned how to fist bump from the older man in the row behind us on our way to Oaxaca, and had a big snack share situation going with a toddler in the row in front of us on our flight back.
And still: one thing a day
And lastly, my travel itinerary is always *one thing a day.* Ideally, that one thing is something that we will all enjoy and we do that one thing first thing in the morning. Particularly successful activities (for both adult and toddler) have included sculpture gardens (I love some big art, and they’re generally great places to toddlers to run around and get some energy out while also exploring the art) and walking around a scenic downtown with an emphasis on finding a park/playground/green space on our wanders. Post-nap, we generally try to find a cool playground and/or a kid-friendly happy hour spot. In Oaxaca, we discovered just how the parks come alive on the weekends: you could pay a $1 for paints and a little chair with an easel, or a $1 for 10 minutes in a little mechanical car. At first, I was bummed when we showed up and there wasn’t a playground, but then there was SO much more local flavor to discover.
Moral of the story: half the time, I wish that I had another trip on the books. And the other half, I am just so happy to be home! I will say that I don’t regret any of the trips we’ve taken, and sometimes only wish that we had traveled more when she was younger (and easier in some ways, that can only be recognized in hindsight). I’m trying to keep that in mind as I plan our future pleasant-as-possible trips with a toddler!
